The Mixed CD
by starbuckfaerie21
Summary: What if Ryan had taken the CD that Marissa made him for his birthday during the Season Three's The Journey?


**The Mixed CD**

**Disclaimer:** The O.C. belongs to Josh Schwartz and FOX, not me. Sadly Ben Mackenzie doesn't belong to me either. Lyrics belong to Jack's Mannequin.

**Pairing: **Ryan/Marissa (Mack/Misch)

**Rating: T**

**Summary: **This is what would've happened if things had gone a little differently in the episode "The Journey." Snippets of dialogue from said episode as well as "The Model Home" from Season 1.

"_Where are you now?_

_As I'm swimming through the stereo, _

_I'm writing you a symphony of sounds_

_As I rearrange the songs again_

_This mix could burn a hole in anyone_

_It was you I was thinking of_

_Yeah, it was you I was thinking of."_

_-Jack's Mannequin, "Mixed Tape"_

Ryan wasn't sure why he'd gone over to Marissa's, well that wasn't exactly true…he'd come to apologize for not inviting her to his birthday party. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to, in fact now he'd wished he had. The party at The Bait Shop hadn't been the same without her. There had been something missing without her there.

_Someone missing…Marissa._

But they had recently broken up, and things were awkward between them at the best of times.

From the quiet of the trailer, it was obvious that neither Julie nor Marissa were at home. But the back door was open so Ryan went inside.

"Marissa you here?"

Ryan called out, almost certain she wouldn't answer, he entered the tiny living room, where she slept and was overcome by everything that was unmistakably Marissa. The small space smelled faintly of her perfume. He reached out and gently touched the framed photograph of the two of them that had been taken in happier times. The evidence of her feelings for him was all over the room, and if Ryan were honest with himself he'd admit that he still shared similar feelings too.

_How can you care about someone so much and still not be able to make it work?_

Ryan asked himself this question as his eyes fell upon the stack CDs on the desk. At the top of the pile lay a homemade CD with the words **Happy 18th Birthday Ryan** written on it in Marissa's handwriting. He told himself that it was curiosity that made him place the disc in Marissa small blue portable stereo…but it was more than that…it was love and they both knew it…but only one of them…Marissa… was strong enough to admit it. But Ryan's feelings for Marissa hit home as he listened to songs that were familiar to both of them. She had made him almost an exact replica of "the model home mix" that she had made for him during his first few days in Newport…the one that had been destroyed by fire.

At that moment Ryan Atwood knew not only that he had to make it work with Marissa Cooper, but also where to find her. With the CD in one hand, Ryan left Marissa's trailer and headed for the model home.

Marissa knew that going to the model home to apologize to Volchok was a stupid idea and she would've gone to Ryan's birthday party earlier that evening instead, if she'd been invited, but still she thought it was necessary.

It was late afternoon when Marissa stepped up to the model home dressed in faded jeans and a long sleeved lavender top. Even from the outside, Marissa was struck by the familiarity of the house.

"Need some help?" a short fat guy in denim overalls asked as carried a bucket in one hand.

"Yeah, I'm…uh…looking for Kevin Volchok…"

"He might be inside…not sure I think we sent him on a lumber run."

Marissa stopped once more to look at the exterior of the house and the man must have noticed the unease in her demeanor.

"You okay?" He asked with a hint of concern that left Marissa thinking that he must have children.

"Yeah…the house…just looks familiar."

"Ah…McMansions…they all look the same to me." The man said before turning and going inside.

Marissa entered the house and walked through the open space until she saw the doors that led out to the swimming pool.

And suddenly she could see it as it once was…empty…and she could hear the wheels of Seth's skateboard on the concrete.

"_It's an empty pool."_

"_To some people." _

She saw no sign of Volchok and she knew she should leave, yet she felt compelled to stay…almost as if she were drawn to the house…or to the memories it contained.

Careful not to disturb the contractors, Marissa explored the house. She walked up the stairs and leaned against the railing looking down.

Suddenly the voice of the man that she had seen outside boomed sternly at one of the contractors below.

"Hey, what'd I tell you guys about smoking in here? This place already burned down once."

That was all it took for the memories to come rushing back. She looked down and saw a younger version of herself, Seth, and Ryan walking around the model home.

"_So, you want him to stay here?"_ She heard her own voice ask.

She saw herself and Ryan exploring the unfinished house with a flashlight.

"_This was supposed to be the model home."_

She saw herself sitting outside with Ryan eating take-out and telling him about the men that had been coming to her house, while Seth skated on the empty pool.

"_Look, I never told anybody that…"_

"_I can keep a secret."_

She saw herself giving Ryan the burned CD that she had appropriately titled, "the model home mix" with a smile as he crouched in the tent.

"_I still don't know if it's a good idea for me to stick around, or not."_

"_You should stay."_

Marissa swore that she could feel Ryan's presence in the house, standing right beside her as they hid from both Kirsten and her dad.

"_Maybe I could spend the night…night...night?"_

The words echoed in her mind as she grew dizzy. She saw herself running out after Ryan had refused her…the smoke and the fire…

She turned around and almost bumped the chandelier as she headed for the stairs…her hand to her mouth as nausea and another wave of dizziness and memories overcame her.

"_We're from different worlds."_

"_That's not true…"_

"_I'm not like you…"_

"_Go…go…go…"_

Marissa reached for the banister to go back the way that she'd come, but her hand slipped and she was powerless to stop herself from falling in a heap down the stairs.

When Ryan went inside the model home, Marissa falling down the stairs was the first thing he saw.

"MARISSA!" He screamed her name and headed for the stairs, where she was sprawled unconscious, her wrist bent in an awkward angle.

He reached her and touched her face.

"Marissa, can you hear me? Anybody know what happened? Call 911."

"She was acting funny since she got here…said she was okay though…kept saying how familiar the house looked…then I guess she just passed out."

"Okay, thanks." Ryan said turning back to Marissa.

"Marissa, wake up, Marissa."

Within minutes an ambulance arrived at the model home and Ryan accompanied an unconscious Marissa to the hospital.

Marissa woke up to blinding florescent lights and the blurry image of a familiar face staring down at her as her vision came into focus…sandy blonde hair…icy blue eyes…a hand softly brushing the hair from her face…It could only be…

"Ryan?"

At the sound of her voice calling his name, Ryan looked at her and smiled. "Hey,"

All his concern for her seemed to be expressed in that single word as she took in her surroundings with a look of confusion on her face.

"Where are we?"

"At the hospital. Can you remember what happened?"

"When I didn't get invited to your birthday party…I was going to stop by The Bait Shop to give you your gift but everyone was having such a great time…I didn't want to ruin it so I went to the model home. It looked so different but I kept thinking of that night we were there together and it just came rushing back at once…I think I passed out."

"Yeah, you did. You fell down the stairs. You weren't drinking were you?"

"No Ryan! I wasn't I swear to God!"

Her eyes started to tear up and Ryan couldn't bear to see her cry. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Hey Riss…hey…it was just a question…not an accusation okay? The doctor said you might have a concussion so just take it easy…why don't you let me drive you home?"

"Okay." Marissa agreed, noticing the ace bandage tightly wrapped around her left wrist. She assumed it was a sprain because there was no cast but she held it up to Ryan to see.

"Sprain?" She asked him with a sigh.

Ryan nodded in affirmation. "Let's get you outta here, huh?"

"Sure. Thanks."

Marissa said getting to her feet from the emergency room cot. As soon as her feet touched the floor, the room started to spin and she was certain that her body would have hit the tile floor if it weren't for Ryan's muscular arm that snaked around her waist steadying her.

"Whoa, easy, you all right?" He asked pulling her closer to him so she could lean on his shoulder.

For a moment there was that familiar electricity between them and Ryan wanted desperately to kiss her but he resisted the urge.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Marissa murmured in a futile effort to break the awkward tension.

They walked out of the hospital together and got into the car in silence. The silence continued until Ryan pulled up in front of the trailer.

Ryan got out and opened the passenger door for her and stood close by while she opened the trailer's unlocked front door.

He remained just a few steps behind as she went inside.

"Thanks for the ride."

"No problem."

"Hey, can you stay for a minute, I have something for you."

"Yeah." Ryan said with slight smile knowing that she was referring to the CD that he'd found earlier.

Ryan sat on the small sofa and watched her look around for the CD for a few moments.

"That's weird. I put it right…"

"Here." Ryan said pulling the CD from the pocket of his button-down shirt.

Marissa couldn't help but smile. "How did you?"

"I came by earlier…to see you…you weren't home but I found it…and I figured since it was mine I could…unless you want it back?"

Marissa shook her head emphatically and came to sit beside him on the sofa.

"No, no I wanted you to have it."

"I wanted you to know that the reason I didn't invite you to the party…I mean it wasn't because I didn't want you there…I just…"

"Ryan, it's okay, I understand…"

"No…let me finish…I was wrong about it not working between us…sitting her alone in your living room listening to that CD made me realize what you were trying to say and what I was too much of a coward to admit.

"What?"

"I love you."

As if to prove the words, Ryan leaned toward her and kissed her soft glossy lips. Marissa returned the kiss resting her shoulders back against the sofa pillows until she was lying down with the familiar comfortable weight of Ryan's body above her.

"I love you." Marissa whispered before her breath was stolen by another kiss from Ryan.

Their hands were suddenly everywhere on each other's bodies, fingers and lips tracing paths along skin like they had never been apart.

As Ryan tenderly brushed the hair from her face and planted kisses on her collarbone, he heard Marissa inhale sharply.

"You okay?" Ryan asked breaking away breathlessly.

"Just my wrist."

"Ryan looked down to see that some of his weight was pressed against her injured wrist which was folded protectively across her abdomen.

"Sorry." He whispered sincerely as changed positions and his lips found hers again.

Marissa was now lying on her back with her head resting on Ryan's shoulder.

"Hey Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday."

_Finis_


End file.
